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3000 Pound Puppies Euthanized As Part Of Toys R Us Bankruptcy

Your childhood isn't the only thing being killed as part of Toys R Us's's's bankruptcy. The Plantain has learned that nearly 3000-pound puppies will reportedly be destroyed as part of the companies ongoing bankruptcy and liquidation sale.

"It's the only way forward," said a 94-year-old man in a bowtie running the soon-to-be-bankrupt company. "We are doing everything we can to get rid of our remaining assets," said granddad over there, who personally oversaw the hiring of over 1000 employees whose only job is to stand on the street corners outside of Toys R Us's's' with signs that say the company is going out of business. "Hiring these men, who are literally doing the job of a staple on a tree, but who we have to pay, is a great example of how Toys R Us can still innovate during bankruptcy with the type of ideas that put us in bankruptcy."

"Do they even make pound puppies anymore?" this 30-something writing the article asked the old man. "I suppose I could look it up...but the headline really is the joke. If anything the rest of this just detracts."

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Milo is the Editor of the Plantain. He went to college.
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