The Plantain

836 Highway Granted Statehood

Florida's 836 Highway was granted statehood by Federal officials shortly after Miami-Dade approved a 13-mile, 650 million dollar extension which placed the roadway beyond the minimum mileage threshold for a land area to qualify as a new state.

"This is such a relief," said Elian Gomez, who has lived in a traffic jam on the 836 since the late 1980's. "It isn't fair that people who live on the 836 have to pay tolls but have no elected representation. This is a step toward equal representation."

The borders of the 836 will include the existing highway's footprint, as well as the majority of the Florida Everglades, which will be redesignated from a natural preserve to a mixed-use development called "Really Sweetwater," an homage to the new State's founders, the sugar industry. The new state's motto will be "Build Here!"

"I'm so proud to be from the 8-3-6," said Manny Delgado, a senior at NW 137 Exit High, whose mascot, the fighting "That mother fucker just cut me off!" recently beat Killian High School in the state badminton championship. "8-3-6 til I die," said Mr. Delgado before tragically passing away.

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Milo is the Editor of the Plantain. He went to college.
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