Angry Constituent Saves Rick Scott From "Extra Steamy Mocha Latte"

Angry Constituent Saves Rick Scott From "Extra Steamy Mocha Latte"

A video of Lake Worth resident Cara Jennings berating Governor Rick Scott at a Gainesville Starbuck for being the biggest asshole in the whole goddamn state has gone viral and caused the world to cheer. ā€œI wish it were me who called him an assholeā€, said literally every person in the entire state of Florida. But the Plantainā€™s investigatory team has discovered that Ms. Jenningā€™s impromptu tirade against Floridaā€™s serpentine governor may have ultimately been to Governor Scottā€™s benefit.

ā€œI saw him walk in, and I was like ā€˜oh, I hate that guyā€¦I should totally shit in his coffee'ā€, said 19-year-old Starbucks barista Jason Ireland. ā€œWhen he walked up to the register and ordered a mocha latte, for Christā€™s sake, I just knew I had to do it. It was like my civic doodyā€œ, giggled the blood-shot-eyed teenager.

But Mr. Irelandā€™s dastardly plan was derailed when Ms. Jennings started screaming at Governor Scott. ā€œAt first I was pretty thrilled about it, because it gave me cover to duck behind the counter and start shitting in that jerkā€™s cup, but the lady just kept calling him an asshole over and over and over again. He eventually just left without even taking his drink. I was pretty bummed.ā€

When asked why he was so intent on defecating in the Governorā€™s drink, Mr. Ireland explained that Governor Scott has been one of the biggest disasters the State of Florida has ever seen. ā€œHe has purposefully made it harder for women and the poor to get the healthcare coverage they need and has supported policies that have done irreparable harm to our environment,ā€ said the part-time coffee maker.

ā€œI just wanted to give him something to justify that shit-eating grin he always has on,ā€ the barista added.