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Archaeologists Uncover Remains of First Crew to Work On 836

by Daniel Jimenez   

A startling discovery has been made by the Miami scientific community as the remains of the first road crew to work on the 836 were uncovered during current work on the 836. The fossils have already been dated as being over forty thousand years old, and likely neanderthal. The remains show the workers in what appears to be a relaxed position, with primitive tools around them; upon closer examination it was found that the majority of the tools showed practically no signs of use. Next to the remains was a slate with a line drawn over it, with a crudely scrawled 836 above it, which scholars believe may be one of the first work orders for the construction of the road.

The Plantain spoke with archeologist Nigel Beaverhausen about what the remains tell us about the past.

Construction on the road most likely began in the paleolithic era

“Its utterly fascinating that these ancient cultures still dealt with universal problems like slow municipal construction. These may be the oldest workers we found working on the 836, but I do not believe they are the oldest. For all we know that road could be one of the first instances of man attempting to create a structure of any kind, and doing a poor job of it. It makes you wonder what future generations will think when they uncover the remains of our employees working on the 836, thousands of years in the future. Perhaps the road could conceivably be finished by then, but it seems unlikely.” To get a layman’s perspective we spoke with a construction foreman, Dwayne Menendez. When telling him that the construction on the road most likely began in the paleolithic era, his response was:

“Yeah, that seems about right. My dad actually worked on this road, and I hope that one day my son gets paid by the day to work on it too. Kinda heartwarming when you think about it, it's like a city tradition to just keep building this road. Will it ever be finished, who knows? Personally, I like to think this road will be incomplete right up until the moment the sun explodes and kills us all. Thinking about that helps me sleep at night.”

Ironically enough, the archeological discovery has caused a delay in construction on the 836 as they excavate the area to find more remains. When asked about the delay Mr. Mendez said, “Hey, I get paid either way. Take your time.”