The Plantain
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Dainel Vera

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Heat Fan Running Out Of Jerseys To Burn

After learning that Dwyane Wade was leaving the Miami Heat for the Chicago Bulls, self-proclaimed "Heat Lifer" Arturo Ramirez started gathering his collection of D-Wade jerseys from around his house. "I need to burn this traitor's jersey," said the 38-year-old waiter. "I just can't believe he would leave Miami for

I-95 Discovered to Be Literal Highway To Hell

A recent road survey of I-95 has confirmed that portions of the interstate literally pass through Hell itself. Starting just north of downtown Miami, surveyors discovered an otherwise unnoticeable dimensional rift that detours directly over The River Styx and through the bowels of Hades. The rift is visually unnoticeable due