The Plantain
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85 posts Miami Website
Milo is the Editor of the Plantain. He went to college.

Don Bailey Names Don Bailey ‘Sexiest Man Alive’

Following the polarizing reaction PEOPLE Magazine’s picking Blake Shelton as Sexiest Man Alive, local carpet and flooring salesman Don Bailey, 86, suggested a more suitable candidate for the title – himself. Known for his company’s steamy decades-old advertisement, Bailey’s naked rippling body has become the stuff of legend

The Plantain's Guide to Surviving Thanksgiving

While the country settles into the acceptance that reality is what it is, American families are preparing themselves for that most hallowed and stressful of this nation’s traditions: Thanksgiving. Flights are booked, turkeys are getting goosed, and pharmacies across the nation are unloading Halloween candy at deep deep discounts.

Every Man Preemptively Fired From Job

The entire American male population was preemptively fired earlier today from all of their jobs over eventual reports of their sexual misconduct. "We just thought it would be faster to do it all at once rather than let the stories about how terrible everyone has been forever slip out one