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Melania Be Bests

By J. Monty Hamil

WASHINGTON, DC- There’s a crisis in America brewing as teachers around the country struggle with First Lady Melania Trump’s new anti-bullying initiative, Be Best.

A very apologetic Betsy Devos, Secretary of Education, appeared in front of Congress to explain her failure to proofread the First Lady’s new platform. “I’m still trying to destroy public education. I left my Vice Secretary to watch her,” Devos lamented, “you’re treating me like a glorified babysitter.”

The Teachers March for Grammar has been announced in an effort to convince the administration that every conjunction matters. Spokesperson for the national teachers union, Randi Weingarten, demanded immediate action, “What’s the point of red pens anymore? What is the need for dictionaries, thesauruses, or even translations? If words no longer matter, then nothing does!”

First Lady Trump was last seen crying at the Tiffany’s in Manhattan, telling the staff that she was dismayed that America was cyber bullying her and not admiring her for creating a brand new, totally original initiative and not reusing something from the Obama Administration, “I found a brochure in my First Lady desk drawer that I must have written last year but forgot. I always forget ideas until I re-find them.”

Melania assured America in a recent news conference that she's working hard to Be Best First Lady. But most Americans just want her to go back into hiding.

J. Monty Hamil is a staff writer for The Plantain.