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How to explain to your parents that Bitcoin is not a "Nintendo"

Hello fellow millennial! With the meteoric rise of crypto-currency in the past year you may have encountered some difficulty explaining how bitcoin works to the older generations. Here is a scenario based how to guide for explaining crypto to your parents.

Parent: "Hello (gender pronoun), What is this bitcoin I’m hearing about on the news?"

We all know that Bitcoin is a crypto-currency and worldwide payment system that is the first decentralized digital currency, as the system works without a central bank or single administrator, is part of a network is peer-to-peer and transactions take place between users directly, without an intermediary. But, don't go there quite yet.

Start here: "Bitcoin is digital money."

Parent: "Like your video games?"

Haha, no you hopeless baby boomer. The digital world that left you behind is not a game. It is a reality that you are too afraid to accept.

But try saying this instead: "No, Bitcoin is an alternative to cash. Like your debit card."

Parent: "Do you get them at a bank?"

No, our generation is trying to free ourselves from the global tyranny of the central banks that control the worlds currency and governments.

But you can just say: "No, you buy them on exchanges, like stocks"

Parent: "Well, I just don’t trust that. How can you trust all this?"

Trust is a fairy-tale you tell children so that they sleep in their own beds at night instead of clinging to your legs trying to hush the creeping truth of a meaningless existence. Our generations "faith" in the abusive structures of "religion" and "society" is gone. We are no longer bound to your gendered slavery, and we rejected your "lessons" as soon as we became woke, and now we can see through the indoctrination of public "education" designed to stifle creativity and free thought.

Or say: "I can't trust it, but it is skyrocketing in value."

Parent: "Should I be buying this?"

"No." That was easy.

Parent: "Why not?"

Because your generation destroyed value. Because the next generation believes that life has no intrinsic meaning or value. Because this is the way millennials will escape the system that your generation enslaves the world. And you don't get to be a part of the revolution. Because your ideas are trapped in a cycle of hatred and abuse that cannot be corrected and has to be destroyed.

An easier answer would be: "It’s probably a bubble."

Parent: "Your not just doing this because you don't want to get a job right?"

Here it is important to be firm. "I can get a job whenever I want dad! The crypto-currency revolution is only happening once! Joannie isn't better than me because she is married and has kids! She is probably miserable! But you don't even care because you don't care about anyone but yourself!"

Parent: "Why did you bring your sister into this?"

With single minded purpose say: "I am going to my room to trade my alt-coins! Don't knock on my door for dinner! I'll get my own dinner! AND I'LL PAY FOR IT WITH BITCOIN!"

Then you can slam the door of your room and lock it, but don't buy food with Postmates using Bitcoin, use cash, that shit is worthless.

-J Monty Hamil

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Peter Mir is confoundingly the owner of Villain Theater