The Plantain
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Commission Upset Upsets Commission

The Miami-Dade County Commission has a new member, one who is remarkably unrelated to any current or former elected official.

"This is absolutely terrible news," said former Commissioner Bruno Barreiro, whose wife Zendaya Zoraida Barreiro lost to Eileen Higgins, a popular activist known affectionately by the nickname La Gringa (which translates roughly into "who does that white woman think she is?") on account of her race. Which is okay for some reason.

"Miami politics used to be steeped in tradition. There were five families who controlled everything, each would marry each other, then when one would retire a wife or slow son or brother or dog would "run" to replace him. But now, what are we politicians going to pass along? This is very upsetting," said Bruno, whose brother Gus is now running for a District 8 Commission seat against literal Saint Daniella Levine-Cava-Cava.

The Plantain reached out to Commissioner Higgins to congratulate her, as well as her campaign director Guillermo Perez (pictured 12 times below) who was extremely happy to learn he is now a real boy.

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Milo is the Editor of the Plantain. He went to college.
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