President Trump confirmed Sunday evening that he has both forced, and accepted, the resignation of his secretary of Homeland Security, Kirstjen Nielsen. "What's with the "j" in her name? I don't understand it, not in my White House," said President Trump.
The President was reportedly "super peeved" that Ms. Nielsen, whom he always just called "Kristen", had not taken a tough enough stance against migrants entering the U.S. southern border. In response, the President has appointed former Louisiana State Representative and Grand Dragon of the Ku Klux Klan, David Duke, as interim head of DHS.
"I've spoken to David, who is a great man with lots of leadership experience, and he agrees that non-whites entering our southern border is the second biggest threat to our country," said the President to the Plantain. When asked what Mr. Duke felt was the biggest threat to the Country, the President sheepishly said that he was told by Ivanka that he wasn't allowed to say that word anymore.
Mr. Duke's appointment was not without its issues. Confusion occurred after the actor Topher Grace, who played Mr. Duke in last year's Blackkklansman film, was inadvertently brought into the White House after the President mistakenly showed Grima Wormtongue Stephen Miller an image of the actor and said: "Get me THAT guy!"
The President was nonplussed by the mistake, noting that he is a huge fan of "That 70's Show" and thinks of himself as "a total Kelso."