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Donald Trump Names Naked Trump Statue As New Campaign Coordinator

Donald Trump has decided to shakeup his faltering presidential campaign for the third time in a week by naming one of the five "Naked Donald Trump Statutes" that appeared across the country as his new campaign coordinator. Reports suggest he is also considering a Naked Trump for a potential role in his administration as Secretary of Agriculture.

The Naked Trump Statues appeared in five U.S cities on Thursday morning, and the product of activist art collective "INDECLINE", a group which has repeatedly spoken out against Trump’s campaign. By Trump's embrace of the Naked Trump statues, however, it appears that the political message INDECLINE was hoping for may have been lost.

The hiring of the Naked Trump Statue is the third major staff change Trump has made to his campaign team this week. On Wednesday, Trump promoted Steve Bannon to Chief Executive and Kellyanne Conway to the role of campaign manager. Calls for the campaign to comment on the campaign on the statute's possible Russian ties were met with evasion, with campaign spokesperson Donna Douchier arguing that Mr. Trump had "never even heard of Russia."

“We think the hiring of the Naked Donald Trump Statue is an excellent way to pull in the youth vote,” said Ms. Douchier. When asked if the graphic statues offended Mr. Trump, Ms Douchier noted that “Mr. Trump is able to find the beauty in all things Trump. Grotesquely naked or otherwise.”

Reports suggest that New Jersey Governor Chris Christi has reportedly taken control of the other naked Trump statues and is bunkered with them in his Trenton home. The Plantain tried to get access to his home for a comment, but believes that its doorbell rings and knocks went unheard due to a loud moaning noise emanating from the Governor's home that sounded like enthralled sex noises, pizza eating noises, or both.

By Joey Ganguzza of Villain Theater