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Donald Trump Gives Thoughtful and Nuanced Answers To Complex Political Issues

Speaking from a podium outside of the Trump Doral National Golf Course, presidential hopeful Donald Trump fielded questions from reporters on a wide array of issues including immigration, national security, and the economy. “It’s time for us to come together as a nation so we can work to create a more inclusive and just society,” the leading Republican candidate told a jubilant and hopeful crowd of supporters.

Mr. Trump acknowledged during his speech that the country was divided, but warned his supporters not to fall into the trap of targeting disadvantaged groups as scapegoats for the nation’s many problems:

“It would be disingenuous for me to argue that our economy has not improved under President Obama’s leadership. But nevertheless, there are steps that we need to take as a nation to continue to build upon President Obama’s successes. This necessarily includes taking a look at how we deal with immigrants moving to the country, our trade deals with foreign nations, and the impact that terrorism has or may have on our ever-changing global economy,” said an inspiring Mr. Trump. “I do not claim to have all the answers, and you shouldn't believe anyone who tells you that they do. But I promise that, if elected, I will work diligently to find the best solutions to these nuanced and difficult questions.”

When asked by a Plantain reporter whether he was concerned that he would lose supporters by taking such a mature and nuanced approach to solving the many complex domestic and foreign policy issues facing the country, Mr. Trump said he was not concerned. “Who would criticize me for taking serious issues seriously?,” asked Mr. Trump rhetorically. “Not even Lyin’ Ted Cruz or his ugly wife would stoop so low,” remarked Mr. Trump, who then spent the next 15 minutes assuring the reporters that his dick was “quite large.”