The Plantain
latest

Every Man Preemptively Fired From Job

The entire American male population was preemptively fired earlier today from all of their jobs over eventual reports of their sexual misconduct.

"We just thought it would be faster to do it all at once rather than let the stories about how terrible everyone has been forever slip out one by one," said one CEO shortly before being escorted out of his building.

The mass firings come after a wave of every woman in the country reporting that they have been sexually harassed by all of the men at some point.

Economist don't expect the economy will be negatively impacted by the mass layoffs and believe any market loss will be offset by efficiencies gained from female workers not having to deal with your shit all day, Derek.

"I can finally get my work done without him coming in every half hour to chat," said all the women about Derek, or whomever their Derek is.

"It's important to note that not 'all men' have behaved this way," said all of the men before remembering nearly every interaction they have had with a woman from their late teens up until about two years ago when the heat started.

Author image
Milo is the Editor of the Plantain. He went to college.
Miami Website