Daren Woods, the CEO of Exxon Mobile, announced to his board of directors this afternoon that the company would finally be able to splurge on that new TV now that President Trump has announced his plan to cut the corporate tax rate by more than half, to a flat rate of 15%.
"Oh boy! Really?" exclaimed several of Exxon board members at the prospect of finally being able to watch the big game on a flat screen. "Will it be an Ultra HD 4k? Will it? Will it?" asked vice-chair Tom McClinton, as he jumped out of his leather-clad chair with excitement, nearly spilling juice everywhere. "You bet it will be, pal!" smiled Mr. Woods.
Exxon Mobile has reportedly been using a 24-inch 1997 Magnavox television that it purchased off of a graduating college student in 2001. It has been on the fritz as of late, making it very difficult for the company to host movie nights or have friends over. Anonymous sources report that many of the board members were pretty embarrassed by the TV, but didn't want to say anything since they knew Exxon Mobile was doing its best.
"I think things are finally turning around for Exxon Mobile," said Woods of the nearly 8 billion dollar a year company. "It's time we enjoy ourselves for once."