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Fabuloso Sprayed From Planes To Combat Mosquitoes

Beware, bloodsuckers: Miami-Dade County has a new weapon in its arsenal to combat the ever-growing hordes of mosquitoes responsible for spreading the Zika virus across South Florida.

Beginning in August, the county began spraying lavender Fabuloso cleaning solution from airplanes in an effort to obliterate the local mosquito population once and for all.

Fabuloso, a flowery-smelling neon purple cleaning solution, is reputed by many area residents to cleanse any kind of malefactor present in a home, including bacteria, viruses, small insects, residue from gossipy visitors and evil spirits.

Miami-Dade County’s Mosquito Control Division spokeswoman Jessica Clark said Fabuloso is predicted to be the department's most effective chemical yet.

"In our testing, as soon as the Fabuloso touched the mosquitoes, they immediately sizzled and melted into a tiny ball of insect guts and half-digested human blood," Clark said. "We're really excited about this."

Eugenia Rodriguez, 82, of Miami's West Flagler neighborhood, eagerly watched the sky as she awaited the latest spraying so she could wash her porch floor at no expense.

"I love all these new sprayings," Rodriguez said as she eagerly held a wooden pole wrapped in an old towel. "My skin gets all tingly every time -- from the excitement, I suppose."

By Manuel Del Fango IV

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Milo is the Editor of the Plantain. He went to college.
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