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Fairchild Tropical Garden to be Replaced With Fake Grass

After a drawn out turf war between the denizens of Brickell and the City, whereby real grass was replaced by fake grass along Brickell Avenue and then replaced again with real grass, Fairchild Tropical Garden in South Miami announced today they would harbor all the newly discarded fake grass from Brickell and cover its gardens with it.

"We felt bad for all that fake grass being discarded so soon," said an 88-year-old Fairchild Garden volunteer named Sue who is just happy to be out of the house. "All of the real plants just keep growing and dying, so why bother?"

Donald Blankership, a retired electrician who spends his afternoons wandering Fairchild's grounds going out of his way to say hello to visitors, praised the decision to replace all of the real grass with AstroTurf. "We are all about conservation here, and that's why its so important that we reuse all of that fake greenery."

The Plantain asked Mr. Blankership whether he thought replacing real grass with fake grass would attract less people to Fairchild, but the 73-year-old native said he didn't believe so. "People come here all the time to take wedding pictures, and for them, the fake grass looks fine. No one wants to learn about or maintain real plants, and I don't blame them. Real plants and grass just grow up and die. Like my wife, Eleanor," said the old man before taking a moment.

"We would have been married 47-years this November. She, she was a really lovely woman. Always a very sweet girl. Anyway, I think replacing the grass is a fine idea. If you'll excuse me..." Mr. Blankenship then politely walked away, pulling a cloth handkerchief out of his pocket as he turned away.

Crews expect the real grass to be replaced before Christmas, a happy ending to a bitter turf war just in time for the holidays.