Goat yoga? That's so 2017. Miami's next hottest fitness trend is alligator yoga.
The brainchild of a double-amputee Jerome "Gatorbait" Villanova, South Florida residents are paying big bucks to stretch and meditate in front of his certified yoga therapy gators.
"I came up with the idea after reading about that goat yoga trend and realizing that I could use some money and that people will pay for just about anything," said Gatorbait before unleashing several full-grown alligators on a class of hipsters and housewives.
"It's super relaxing to just be around such majestic creatures who are as old as the dinosaurs," said 33-year-old aromatherapy curator Christine Johnson of Brickell shortly before being killed. "Oh my god, why on earth did we think this was a good idea? Why couldn't we just do regular yoga?" said Ashton Bunfield right after his own maiming.