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FPL Promises to Restore Power Before Next Week's Hurricane and Inevitable Outage

An FPL spokesperson promised Miami residents still without power from Hurricane Irma that it will do its best to restore power before the inevitable outages related to Hurricane Maria, expected to come next week.

"There is another hurricane? Are you fucking kidding me?" asked Coconut Grovite Damien Lucas before grabbing his phone so he could threaten to sue FPL and write a dozen or so strongly worded posts to the many Grove Facebook community groups he is a member of.

The extended time without power has caused many to question FPL's preparedness and whether requiring the utility to bury its power lines would make it easier for Miami to withstand major storms. But the Utility rebuffed such suggestions, arguing that just because the majority of outages from Irma were caused by trees knocking down exposed lines doesn't mean protecting those lines would have helped at all. When asked to explain why that was the case, the representative smiled for a few seconds before faking a phone call and telling this reporter he would "be right back" and then excusing himself to a restroom after which he quickly escaped from a window, could be heard shuffling off to a car, revving the engine, and skidding off quickly. You know, like in a cartoon.