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If Manatees Are so Great Why Aren't They Stronger Than Boats?

Look, I'm a biologist working at the University of Miami. I study animals, I love plants, I love the ocean and its currents, but I just don't see the point of manatees. If manatees are so cool or whatever why the hell aren't they stronger than boats? Manatees are big for nothing dude, "grande por gusto" - understand?

Manatees do nothing and eat expired lettuce we have to feed them.

They're underwater pieces of lard that do nothing. God damn sea-cows. Except guess what! We're allowed to eat land cows and we can drink their precious white milk. I've never drunk manatee milk.

You know what's cool? Sea anemones are cool, they come in many colors and they're poisonous to certain fish. Sharks! Sharks are cool and they scare people and are crazy, sharks have their own week and deserve it. Manatees do nothing and eat expired lettuce we have to feed them. They're literally worse than pandas. Pandas can at least turn their head to look around. Manatees can't even do that because they don't have necks. Underwater negative giraffe garbage mammals.

They do nothing, they have no real predators besides boats and they can't even figure those out, they die of diseases and starvation and stuff, like idiots. In my professional opinion, manatees gotta get stronger or they gotta go.

The State of Florida has compiled a list of places to avoid if you hate manatees and absolutely don't want to see them. They also have a list of resources you should avoid if you hate propaganda telling you how to help manatees instead of wanting to see manatees toughen up and stop relying on others.

Written by Michael de Armas