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Summer Camp Run By Jeb Bush Sued After Leaving Child Behind

Just one week after opening, Camp Reagan, a summer camp for young Republican leaders, faces a lawsuit from a family claiming their child was abandoned in the Everglades by instructor Jeb Bush.

According to the suit, Jeb Bush intentionally left 8-year-old Timothy Axelman at an Everglade National Park campground after the boy told the former Governor and Presidential candidate that he was "low energy" and referred to the 63-year-old as a "turd bugger" several times. Several witnesses reported Mr. Bush tearfully screamed that the child was a "god-darn bully" as he left him at the campground to fend for himself.

Timothy Axelman has not been seen since.

Mr. Bush became involved with the camp through Republican National Committee Chairman Reince Priebus. “When Jeb became unexpectedly available this summer, we at the RNC sort of felt bad and figured the guy could use something to do," said Mr. Priebus. "We needed a head counselor for this camp and thought he would be a decent choice,” said the party Chairman before conceding "but the RNC really has no idea what its doing."

The Axelman family is suing the Camp, the RNC, and Mr. Bush for $100 million. In a statement to the Plantain, Timothy's father noted that the amount represents a "mere modest calculation of Timothy's potential future income given the child's race and pedigree."

At a press conference, a sniveling Mr. Bush vehemently denied any wrongdoing before wiping his nose on his sleeve and pleading with reporters to "not tell my dad".

A single word statement released by a Bush Family representative claims no responsibility or knowledge of the incident or the accused, simply reading: “Jeb?”