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Jeff Sessions Returns to Old Job as Wax Statue in Confederate Museum

After the shocking news that Jeff Sessions had “resigned” from the Trump white house, the former Attorney General announced he would seek his old position as the wax statue of an unnamed confederate soldier in the Alabama Southern Heritage War Museum.

Sessions had previously worked as a wax statue commemorating a fallen confederate soldier for over fifteen years before accepting a position in the Trump cabinet.

“It's good, honest work. Work that you can be proud of. Feels like I’m coming home after two years up in Yankee territory.”, said Sessions to Plantain reporters before beginning his shift.

“It's nice to just stand here for ten hours a day, surrounded by the familiar sights and sounds of southern pride. I’ve asked that when I die, they keep my embalmed body here in the same spot, that way I can be with confederacy forever.”

This was the last thing Sessions said before the museum opened. Mr. Sessions then remained still and silent for the duration of the day until the museum closed.

by Daniel Jimenez