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Joe Biden Offers Conciliatory Ass Slap To Accusers

Joe Biden gave what many are describing as a remorseful slap on the ass to Jennifer Steinmanson, a staff member who has publicly accused the former Vice President of inappropriately touching her. The "love tap", as Mr. Biden called it, occurred at a private meeting arranged for Mr. Biden to apologize for previously licking Ms. Steinmanson's forehead and, in a separate incident, noting that she was "top heavy."

When asked how he felt about the exchange, Mr. Biden remarked that he was "glad that the controversy was finally over with," and noted without prompt that he "could tell Jennifer has been working out her glutes," before going into a tangent about how he was "friends with Jane Fonda" and had recently binged the fifth season of "Frankie and Grace."

In an exclusive interview with the Plantain, Ms. Steinmanson said that she had personally forgiven Mr. Biden. "I think he means well, it's just he needs to learn to respect personal boundaries," said the 26-year-old Harvard Law graduate just before Mr. Biden walked by and said "lookin' good, legs" with a wink.

"He refers to every woman in a skirt "Legs"," said Ms. Steinmanson. "But I really do think he means well."

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Milo is the Editor of the Plantain. He went to college.
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