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Jury Convicts Woman of Laughing at Jeff Sessions' Penis

A woman was arrested and has been found guilty of laughing at Attorney General Jeff Sessions' penis and now faces a possible year in prison. "It wasn't nice at all and really hurt my feelings," said the Attorney General, in a quote we made up.

The woman, Desiree Fairooz, 61, was convicted Wednesday making Jeff Sessions feel badly about his tiny pecker when she began to laugh to herself during his Senate Confirmation hearing at the thought of what Jeff Sessions looks like naked. Also convicted of separate offenses were two other protesters who were accused of laughing at Jeff Sessions' little wabbit voice. All three activists pleaded not guilty and rejected plea deals, demanding a trial.

“I’m so disgusted with so many different aspects of our current government,” Fairooz told the Plantain.

She said that her laughter was an involuntary reaction to the thought of Jeff Sessions's penis. “I just couldn’t hold it,” Fairooz told the Times. “It was spontaneous. It was an immediate reaction of what I considered to be a very funny image. I mean, you imagine Jeff Sessions' penis and try not to laugh!" she chortled.