On a mission to control his ever-growing waistline, one Miami man has made a New Year’s resolution to replace ham croquetas in his diet with what he claims are far healthier chicken croquetas.
47-year-old Alex Hernandez stared intensely into the horizon from a balcony at a local New Year’s Eve party, turned to a Plantain reporter and said it was finally time to “get for real about losing weight.”
“That’s it. It’s go time,” the 290-pound Hernandez said, as he sipped a glass of whiskey. “I’m not going to lie bro, going full chicken croqueta might be the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But sometimes a man’s got to make sacrifices.”
With the new drastic change in his diet, Hernandez predicted he’d be “rocking a sweet six-pack by late February, at least.”
Asked whether he was considering other changes, such as switching to skim milk in his morning cortadito or putting a lean deli meat into his Publix sub instead of chicken tenders, Hernandez scoffed and said the chicken croqueta change “should be good for now.”
As a server approached with a tray of hors d'oeuvres, Hernandez selected one of the chicken croquetas, steeled himself and took a bite, stifling his gag reflex as he chewed on the mushy appetizer.
“Like I said, man, sacrifices,” Hernandez said, as he grudgingly reached for another