The Plantain
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Man Unreasonably Winded By Two Flights of Stairs

Adam Fernandez didn't realize how unhealthy he was until he was faced with walking up two flights of stairs at work today.

The 46-year-old attorney decided to walk from his office to a conference room two floors up after growing impatient waiting for the elevator in his Brickell office. "Two flights will be fine," he thought. He almost immediately regretted the decision.

"I entered the stairwell with an unreasonable amount of confidence," admitted the middle-aged lawyer, "but after around 4 steps I started feeling my heart through my Brooks Brothers shirt. By the time I got through one flight I was like 'What the fuck is wrong with my body?'"

By the time Mr. Fernandez completed the two-flight trek he was completely out of breath and a pool of sweat had gathered beneath the back of his Brooks Brothers shirt, which he frankly expected would breath better.

Mr. Fernandez gasped heavily as he finally entered the conference room and introduced himself to a Mr. Xiu from Beijing, who was reportedly so upset by Mr. Fernandez's tardiness and exasperated demeanor that he wondered whether he should find a representative in better physical fitness.

In a written response to The Plantain, Mr. Fernandez blamed his derelict physical state on his sedentary lifestyle and poor diet choices.

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Milo is the Editor of the Plantain. He went to college.
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