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Matt Haggman Actually A Set of Twins Sharing One Life

A team of forensic scientists at the University of Miami announced on Thursday that Matt Haggman, the Director of Miami Programming for the John S. and James L. Knight Foundation, is actually a set of twins sharing one life. The discovery was made after Vickram Delsovey, a University of Miami doctoral student, received a notice from Twitter that @theLABMiami tweeted a picture of Mr. Haggman moderating a panel on venture financing for local startups at the very same time Mr. Delsovey was attending a fundraiser for the Underline at which Mr. Haggman was also the keynote speaker. “I mean, how could this guy be in two places at the same time? I had to get to the bottom of it.”

The following week, Mr. Delsovey attended several philanthropic events, cocktail parties, and ideation workshops, soliciting Mr. Haggman’s card at each event. It was not long before fingerprint testing of Mr. Haggman’s business cards revealed two distinct sets of prints.

When presented with the scientific evidence, Mr. Haggman admitted that he was, in fact, Patrick Haggman, Matt Haggman’s identical twin-brother, and that the two have occupied the same existence for the last six-years. “It’s really the only way that I, er, I mean we, could handle the job’s schedule.” The Plantain asked Patrick to connect us to Matt so we could get his thoughts on being discovered, but we were informed that he was busy teaching a communications class at Miami-Dade College and would immediately after board a red-eye flight to Sweden as part of a fact-finding mission on sustainable urban planning.

Alberto Ibargüen, President and CEO of the Knight Foundation, chuckled when presented with the information. “That actually makes a lot of sense. The guy is everywhere.”