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Meet Your New Miami HEAT Mascot: Luke, The Lukewarm Cup of Water!

Amid a tepid off-season which saw such moves as: re-signing Jarnell Stokes from a team in China, keeping Dwyane Wade out of retirement for a year so he can add a wing to his third home, and...not much else; the Heat have opted to retire crowd favorite Burnie the flaming ball mascot thing to usher in a new era of Heat Basketball.

Luke, an anthropomorphic cup of room temperature water, works at an insurance company, has a house pretty far north, like around Davie probably, and fucking loves Chili's. Luke sometimes goes out drinking on the weekends, but he hasn't in a few months because work has been pretty busy and his friend Todd who he would drink with moved to Kendall to be closer to his mom whose health is on the decline. That's Luke, the Lukewarm Dixie cup of water, your new mascot for the Miami HEAT!!!!!!!!!

He is about 79 degrees of pure water from the cooler that has been sitting in the sun for an hour or so and he's excited to lead YOUR beloved HEAT to the 7th or 8th seed maybe. He's Luke, the lukewarm cup of water!!

"This year is going to probably be the most exciting Heat season ever," said Center Hassan Whiteside of his NBA2k Miami Heat team, which he set to feature the entirity of the Golden State Warriors' current lineup but with Whiteside instead of DeMarcus Cousins.

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Bobby D. Foster Miami is a native who writes silly things. His book, The Miami Creation Myth, will be published in 2019. Check out more of his absurdism at https://www.facebook.com/MiamiCreationMyth.
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