The Plantain
latest

Miami Child Takes Second Shift at Lemonade Stand to Pay Lease on Toy Jeep

A young Miami boy has picked up more hours at his local lemonade stand so that he can keep up with the payments on his leased Jeep, the Plantain has learned. Carlos Famosa, 7, of Coral Gables, now works 10 hour shifts from 4PM to 2AM after school at his neighborhood lemonade stand, earning the extra dollars he needs to maintain the kind of lifestyle he thinks he deserves.

"If I didn't have a desirable toy car I would be a social pariah."

"It's hard living in such an appearance driven city," Master Famosa told The Plantain. "It starts the second you come out of the womb. First it was the societal pressure to have Dolce & Gabbana diapers. Then diamond backed Pokémon cards. Now, if you want to be anyone, you have to have a nice toy car. Look, I may be seven years old, but I'm not stupid – I know all about economic responsibility. If I was really set on building my future, which as a seven-year-old I still have a lot of, I would have gone with a more unassuming toy car, perhaps one of those red and yellow ones which you push with your feet, and I would have some breathing space left to make some payments into my 401k," he said, gesturing to a piggy bank with a handwritten '401k' sign taped to it.

"However, I'm talking about an ideal world, and Miami is far from an ideal world. After all, what's the point of building for your future, which is something nobody can guarantee, if you are miserable in the present? That's the reality for us kids. If I didn't have a desirable toy car with a proper, non-foot-powered engine capable of at least 5mph, I would be a social pariah. Nobody would want to be my friend. My girlfriend wouldn't even look at me, and looking at each other is the vast majority of our relationship. Status is everything in this town," he added miserably.

"Of course, deep down I do worry constantly about what I am doing, the kind of future I have ahead of me. But mostly I just want to feel – something – anything – in the present. Fudge the future. Who even knows if I have a future? A lot of kids in this town are dying in toy car crashes anyway," he concluded darkly, before promptly taking a nap.

Ángel Saxon is a staff writer for The Plantain.