The Plantain
latest

Miami Commissioner Bans Dancing In Little Havana In Feud With Ball and Chain Owner

City Commissioner Joe Carollo proposed a resolution banning all dancing in Little Havana, an act seen by many as part of a longstanding vendetta he has against Bill Fuller, the owner of Ball and Chain, a popular nightclub in Little Havanna.

Commissioner Carollo said his reasons for banning all dancing within Little Havana have nothing to do with Mr. Fuller, but was instead about retaining West Brickell's character.

"Little Havana is a Latin neighborhood and we want to keep it that way. Well, Latins are Catholics, everyone knows that. And Catholics don't have pre-marital sex. Now dancing, you see, can lead to pre-marital sex. So that means dancing is anti-Catholic. Being anti-Catholic is a socialistic quality. Therefore, if you oppose me you are a socialist. And socialists are not wanted in Little Havana, because it is a Latin neighborhood, and we have ti keep it that way," said Commissioner Carollo, before accusing me of being a socialist. "Satire is the socialist's propaganda tool," he scolded at me as he left the interview.

We reached out to Ball and Chain's owner for some free drink tickets, but the request was denied. We also asked what started his feud with the Commissioner and he said it was something about Carollo being pissed that Fuller supported a different candidate for Commissioner or something. I don't know, I lost interest because it was so stupid.

When asked whether he thought Carollo would succeed in banning dancing in Little Havana, Fuller was pessimistic. "Of course not, it's like Dirty Dancing. They couldn't ban dancing there and they wont be able to ban dancing in Little Havana. People will revolt," Fuller said, proud of himself about the reference. "Actually, it's like Dirty Dancing: Little Havana Nights!," he added with a laugh, really happy with the pun.

As we parted I thanked Mr. Fuller for his time, before gently reminding him that it was the town in Footloose that banned dancing, not Dirty Dancing. He was embarrassed so I used the opportunity to ask again for some free drink tickets. He declined.

By Daniel Alvarez-Schwartzman, who didn't use the phrase "Crazy Joe Carollo" once.