The Plantain
latest

New Dolphin Expressway Interchange Modeled After Hot Wheels Set

After a thorough investigation, The Plantain has uncovered that the Dolphin Expressway's new 'Diverging Diamond' interchange design is actually a cunning remodel of the classic Hot Wheels Super Speed Blastway Track Set with Pop Off Characters in the Grandstand.

At first, our reporters believed the similarities to be merely coincidental, but during an interview with Carlos Alvarez-Hirsch, the civil engineer in charge of the design, a Hot Wheel car fell out of his pocket mysteriously. He picked it up very quickly and ended the interview. This made us very suspicious.

Still, when I told my editors that I thought the Dolphin Expressway was just a rehash of a kid's Hot Wheel track, they were skeptical. It was only after MDX revoked the Plantain's press credentials that our crack team was convinced something was amiss.

We sent a mole into the depths of MDX's planning mechanism. We trained him tirelessly in Hot Wheel set construction and lore. Three weeks later he disappeared. His body was found washed ashore on Key Biscayne with a damp handwritten note, snuck ingeniously on the inside of a single Hot Wheel hidden in the lining of his pocket. It reads as follows.

They love when the cars go fast Vroom vroom
They meet under cover of night to play with their little cars
They love when the little plastic Spectators Pop Off
They love most when they jump, so cool
This goes deep, very deep
The next clue is hidden where the orange track meets the Wheels
Hot Wheels!

We interviewed several drivers who were contracted by MDX to test the experimental interchange design. What they said shocked us.

"Yeah I'm pretty sure our safety waivers were actually old faded manuals to Hot Wheels track sets. When I brought it up they told me to leave," said Johnathan Lionella, who wishes to remain anonymous, fearing for his life.

When asked about his experience driving through the radical new design, Mr. Lionella began to cry.

"There was a part of the interchange where cars were directed to go the wrong way. What is that? I drove as instructed and almost died when a car driving the opposite fucking direction came directly at me. We both swerved, thankfully, but in opposite directions. I ended up hitting a pile of tires that caused a weird fireworks display over a grandstand. I was terrified, but then I looked around and all the engineers were celebrating vigorously."