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Outrage After Ben and Jerry's Introduces 'Che Guayaba' Flavor

Ben and Jerry's is under fire for a commemorative flavor to honor Cuban revolutionary Ernesto ‘Che’ Guevara's birthday.

The flavor - obviously made-up but if it were real we at The Plantain would never even try it on principle alone - features the famous artwork of Guevara by Irish artist Jim Fitzpatrick and real guava chunks in every bite, was released today.

Guevara assisted Fidel Castro in overturning the Cuban government in the late 1950s and then did fuck all until he was executed like a stuck pig in Bolivia in 1967.

Although supporters see Guevara as an example of nationalism, revolution, and self-sacrifice, his critics have labeled him as a brutal and cruel killer.

Gaspar Miranda, a protester stationed today with 27 other protesters at the Coral Gables location of Ben and Jerry's, said, "Che helped free Cubans from the repressive Batista regime, only to enslave them in a totalitarian police state worse than the last. He was Fidel Castro’s chief executioner, a mass-murderer!"

An employee from Ben and Jerry's, choosing to remain anonymous and identified only as a "flavor guru" responded,

"The pun was just too delicious - even more intoxicating than the dulce de leche swirl. I agree we may have gone too far, but the pun. Does no one care for the puns?

Moments later, the diminutive "flavor guru" scuttled into a hot air balloon made of gumballs and wishes and flew out of sight.

The scene took a dramatic turn as the predominantly Cuban crowd began chanting, "We don't need Ben and Jerry's!" and for emphasis proceeded to eat three-day old flan from Sergio's Restaurant.

In between bites of rubbery flan, protester Maria Caballero said, "We are willing to sacrifice delicious Ben and Jerry's ice cream and no longer support their philanthropic activity. It’s shameful that Ben and Jerry's would put the image of someone who went to Cuba to murder people and was a failure in everything he did on a pint of ice cream. I don’t know what there is to honor about Che Guevara."

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Peter Mir is confoundingly the owner of Villain Theater