Wednesday, March 29, 2017
 
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Mayor Gimenez Proclaims His Office a Sanctuary-Office

Tiny milocapture Milo
February 17, 2017
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In a controversial move following the backlash from his decision to comply with the President’s sanctuary-city ban, Miami-Dade County Mayor Carlos Gimenez and the nine dwarfs Commissioners who support him issued a joint statement that they had instructed their staffs not to answer any more phone calls on the matter, declaring their offices sanctuary-offices that will provide a safe haven from criticism of the many unpopular decisions they make and will continue to make.

The decision comes after an embarrassing and long County Commission meeting which saw the Miami-Dade Commission reject the overwhelming will of their constituents and endorse Mayor Gimenez’s directive to comply with Trump’s executive immigration order. “This is about following the law!” said a Commission made up of numerous wealthy Cuban refugees who really don’t see any need to turn Miami into a sanctuary city.  “If you break the law, there just has to be consequences,” said Commissioner Pepe Diaz in a quote we made up but who really did get caught driving drunk last year, but that's not a big deal apparently, so why even bring it up.

In a statement, Mayor Gimenez insisted that his decision to comply with Trump’s executive Order was merely an economic decision in the best interest of the County. When asked to clarify, the Mayor said that he just couldn’t risk the loss of federal funds to the County for non-compliance, nervously adding without provocation that his eagerness to get on Trump’s good side had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that his son operates a fucking lobbying firm focused on influencing the Trump administration.

By Maikol Garro

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