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Dolphin Expressway to be Converted to 15 Consecutive Miles of Toll Booths

Tiny img 2631 Bradford
April 27, 2016


The Miami-Dade Expressway Authority (MDX) announced on Monday that it plans to greatly expand the number of toll plazas along State Road 836. The plan, which will take thirteen years and cost upwards of $1.4 billion dollars, will see 60 new toll installations along the 15-mile expressway. The design was unveiled to the County Commission and Metropolitan Planning Organization to resounding applause by an unnamed representative of the MDX, a Borg-like collective comprised of 13 assimilated, unautonomous board members.

The project, which breaks ground next week, is an addendum to a current plan to add tolled express lanes along the connected Palmetto and Dolphin freeways. Touting the plan as “Toll-a-Palooza-Mageden”, the unnamed cybernetic MDX representative walked the County Commission through its schematics while clandestinely wringing its hand indulgently and vibrating with what can only be described as "cybernetic glee."

The completed plan will be a self-serving funding mechanism for future MDX schemes. As explained to an engrossed County Commission, the new tolls will include kinetic roadway panels that will divert pressurized energy from passing cars to batteries powering the soul engines of the MDX Borg Board. By these means, claimed the voice of the MDX collective, the MDX will live on in perpetuity so long as Miami has traffic.

"Resistance is futile," the MDX spokes-entity added.

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