The Plantain
latest

Trump Inauguration to Be Held at Kremlin

In a controversial move, the Trump administration announced that President-Elect Trump has decided to move his Presidential inauguration from Washington D.C. to the steps of the Kremlin in Moscow. Unverified sources that we’re just going to assume are telling the truth report that the oath will be sworn to on a copy of Vladimir Putin’s autobiography, “Glad to be Vlad,” and administered by the Russian Justice Minister, Alexander Vladimirovich Konovalov.

This marks the first time that a U.S President has been sworn in on foreign soil, although it was widely reported at the time that President Obama held his inauguration in his birthplace of Kenya, a allegation that has been thoroughly disproved, which doesn’t make it any less true.

Trump strategist Kellyanne Conway defended the President-Elect's decision. “Russia is most beautiful of country with strong bear-like leader who is gracious to invite us to swear in under his handsome watch. The time has come for our two countries to bridge their divide. Mother Russia and the United States are family of sorts. And families share everything, like oil and uranium.”

President-Elect Trump tweeted that he is enthusiastic for the inauguration:

 The foreign inauguration is only the first in a series of decisions by the Trump administration to strengthen the United States's diplomatic ties with Russia. Buzzfeed reports that a direct line to Vladimir Putin is being installed in the Oval Office; although we're told that it can only receive calls and won't be able to dial out.

When asked why he decided to make such a grand gesture to Putin by holding his inauguration in Russia, Trump responded: “Well he did me a huge solid, so I feel I kind of owe him.”

UPDATE: Following our initial report, the Trump campaign issued a statement calling The Plantain a fake news organization that is also quite literally garbage: “Это подделка! Мусор и подделка!”

By Daniel Jimenez