Castro Resignation Running On Cuban-Time

Cuba’s leader, Raul Castro, will be stepping down as President in February…but on Cuban time, so like, really, probably sometime around April, maybe?

“Everyone knows that when Cubans say the party is at 9 pm that they really won’t be starting until about 11 or 12 o’clock,” said a representative from the National Assembly said this past Thursday.

While widely known amongst the Cuban population in Miami, this move has confused the international community, widely known for their prompt timing.

“Wait, so they’re saying it’s going to be in February, when it’s really happening two months later?” a White House aide asked. “Why not just have them say it’s happening in April?”

While this may be confusing for those unfamiliar with the island’s rich history of arriving late, this behavior is typical for the Castro family. Most notably, Fidel Castro, Cuba’s former president, infamously had his own death run on Cuban time, keeping countless Cuban refugees in suspense of when his death was actually going to come.

Other examples of things promised to the Cuban people that are currently running on Cuban time include: democracy, civil rights, and Starbucks.

Mr. Castro, 86, has been President of Cuba since December 2008, and Vice President Miguel Diaz-Canel is favored to become the next president. He, however, is not very optimistic about becoming President anytime soon.

“Cuban’s never leave when they say they’re going to,” Mr. Diaz-Canel said. “It’s like when your Tia says goodbye at the family dinner and then it’s 45 minutes later and there’s no sign of her actually leaving anytime soon. I’m not holding my breath.”

By: Patrick Rodriguez