Gathering in her chambers after the Court's first certiorari conference with new Justice Neil Gorsuch, Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg reportedly told a group of law clerks that she thought Gorsuch was "a total babe" and that she was "totally crushin'" on him.
"He looks just like Tony Perkins," said the 84-year-old Justice to one of her young law clerks who didn't know who that was but nevertheless agreed.
Justice Ginsburg reported an immediate connection with the 49-year-old Gorsuch, noting that she initiated some light banter with the handsome jurist after he accidentally sat in her chair. "I went up to him and said 'Hey Buster, you're in my G-Spot,'" chortled Justice Ginsburg, before adding: "Oh god, Ruth! You're so bad!"
Tension between the two reportedly continued to mount during the Justice's lunch hour, at which time each Justice engaged in a bit of traditional light hazing with the new justice. While the other Justices enjoyed forcing menial tasks on their new colleague, such as fetching ice from the Court's cafeteria, Justice Ginsburg insisted Gorsuch bend over her lap as she paddled his heiny with her gavel.
"It was awkward, but Ruth seemed to be having so much fun," said Justice Kennedy of the incident.
"I kept yelling 'Ingraham v Wright!' after each smack," Justice Ginsberg told her clerks, who all genuinely thought her reference was hilarious.
Justice Ginsberg noted that toward the end of the conference the sexual tension between her and Gorsuch was palpable. "I just know we are eventually going to fuck," said Justice Ginsburg to her clerks, noting Gorsuch was "giving off a real 'Byron White' vibe, if you know what I mean."
As they wrapped up their conference, Justice Gorsuch reportedly approached Justice Ginsburg to say goodbye.
"Be seeing you," he reportedly told Justice Ginsburg, who coolly responded, "Yeah, I hope not sporadically!"
The Plantain reached out to the other Justices for comment on how a potential relationship could impact the Court. Justice Roberts, speaking for the Court, joined by Justices Thomas, Kennedy, Sotomayor, Breyer, and Kagan held that they support their colleague's burgeoning tryst. Justice Alito dissented, arguing he thought the relationship was a bad idea and that "Ruth is just trying to make me jealous."