The Plantain
latest

Sean Spicer Named New Programming Director of Knight Foundation

The Knight Foundation announced this morning that former White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer will take over as the foundation's new Miami Programming Director following the resignation of former director Matt Haggman. The news comes just hours after Sean Spicer resigned from his White House post.

"I don't know, this article may be a bit too niche," I thought to myself shortly after writing the preceding paragraph. "Do people even know who Matt Haggman is? I mean, he isn't an unknown guy, but in terms of getting people to click on this article I should probably say that Pitbull or The Rock or a giant Croqueta was replaced as programming director of the Knight Foundation. It's probably not even worth it at this point to put in a joke about Chris Caines, right? I mean maybe he would get a kick out of it [shout out Chris Caines!], but no one will get it. Do real people even know what the Knight Foundation is? This is the problem with producing local satire."

I decided to do some market research and discovered that in fact no one knows what the Knight Foundation is outside of people who have been given money by the Knight Foundation (and most of those are confusing it with the Miami Foundation anyway).

"Isn't that the place with the javelins and turkey legs in Orlando?" said Dana Miller of Miami Shores, mistaking the philanthropic organization with Medieval Times.

"So, you don't know who Matt Haggman is either, right?" I asked Dana. She didn't. I explained that he is probably going to run for Ileana Ros-Leighton's seat in Congress, but she didn't know who she is either. She had thankfully heard of Congress though.

"So what exactly is this for?" she asked me, having also never heard of The Plantain.

"We mostly do local satire that is only amusing to an extremely small group of people in Miami who are engaged enough to know who Matt Haggman is."

"That doesn't seem like a great business model," she said.

"Well, it's not. But we also occasionally do some croqueta-based articles that do well," I said, wondering if I should even keep this thing going. "Wubalubadubdub!"

Milo

Author image
Milo is the Editor of the Plantain. He went to college.
Miami Website