The Plantain

Shark Takes Miami Beach Trolley, Says Beach Water "Too Poopy" To Swim

A Miami-Beach shark has been spotted using the City's free trolley system to get around town after the City's flood pumps polluted the city's water with poo.

"The City can't possibly expect me to swim in shit," said exasperated shark Jeffrey Kleizenberg when the 1200 pound great white was asked why he was waiting at a trolley stop in the South of Fifth neighborhood.

Mr. Kleizenberg, who has lived underwater near an ever-depleting Coral Reef in Miami Beach since the mid-1970s', says he is considering legal action against the City to cover the decrease in his property's value caused by the flood of excrement from mainland residents.

"I can't believe the chutzpah," said Mr. Kleizenberg loudly to his disinterested son Kirk from his cellphone. "I've been putting up with the City's shit for years, but this is really out of hand."