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Straight White Man Identifies As Diverse

Despite being a member of the majority in nearly every way, Jeremy Davidson—a straight, cisgender, white, able-bodied man—insists he is diverse.

“I feel like I understand what it is like to be a minority in this country,” said the 28-year-old real estate broker who is set to receive the Grand Chamber of Commercial Entrepreneur’s diversity leadership award this Friday.

“Growing up as a Christian in a predominately Jewish suburb, I always felt different. It was really hard being one of only a few of my friends who didn’t get to have a Bar Mitzvah,” said Mr. Davidson, who noted that his paternal great-grandmother was from Morocco, making him “technically an African American.” “I always loved Mos Def,” he added.

The Chamber has come under scrutiny from a number of organizations who are offended by a man who is not actually diverse being given the meaningless award.

“This is the epitome of white privilege,” posted former National Merit finalist Elise Delmonico, also white, on the National Institute of Equality’s Facebook page. “This award should have been given to a person of color,” said the activist online, “or an Asian, if they can find one.”

But Mr. Davidson says he is not bothered by the criticisms being levied against him: “As a person who identifies as a minority I think I know what it’s like to feel unwanted.”

When we pointed out that Mr. Davidson was not actually a minority, and was, in fact, one of the most statistically overrepresented and un-marginalized people in the country, he conceded, but with a sigh noted that “being a straight white guy just isn’t what it used to be.”

By Darren Henderstruut