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The Croix Code of Ethics

There comes a time in every Croix drinkers life when they become self-aware of the Croix Code of Ethics. The unwritten ethos that fills the spaces between the sparkly life beverage. Use these guidelines, not in jest, irony or ego, but with an unassuming joy and happiness that washes over you, ignites your zest for life and immerses you in self-actualization.

Let's start off with basic vocab and then carry on to the #CroixCommandments. Always remember to recycle your Croix and never waste a drop. Drink responsibly.

Croix Vocab:

Croix Swig - Taking a sip of your Croix.

Croix Graze - at social gatherings, taking a Croix Swig of other people's Croix to prevent Croix Mouth, and/or to not waste Croix. Never leave Croix unattended for more than 10 minutes.

Flat Croix Swig - Necessary and painful, what one must do when hosting a social gathering to ensure every can is empty.

When experiencing a Flat Croix have the following plan in motion:
1. Drink all of Flat Croix (because life is suffering)
2. Dispose of Flat Croix in plants (see Plant Croix Swig),
3. Find Cold Croix IMMEDIATELY.

Plant Croix Swig - The only proper way to dispose of Flat Croix is to water plants, indoor or outdoor, all varieties. Never waste water. #plantcroixswig

Croix Down Cool Down - Wind down session after a large excursion.

Step 1: Drink Cold Croix.
Step 2: Shower.
Step 3: Enjoy second Cold Croix in air conditioning. Play relaxing music and sit in a reclining and/or zero gravity position for a minimum of 35 minutes. Relax. It’s going to be OK.

Croix Choke - Placing hand over neck, gently squeezing throat during a Croix Chug to concentrate the quantity and forcefulness of Croix entering throat and to extend the time before a Croix Burn.

Croix Burn - Chugging your Cold Croix too fast. See Croix Choke for alleviation technique. Croix Burp is forthcoming.

Morning Croix - First Croix of the day. Let it awaken you.

Roadie Croix - A Croix Pokemon. This little buddy is here to hydrate you on the run. Either finish before destination or bring it in with your Party Croix.

Only leave Roadie Croix in car half drunk in the following situations: it’s a quick stop and you need both your hands you are coming right back to the car OR You have accepted the fact that when you come back it will be Flat Croix. In which case, immediately engage in Plant Croix Swig.

Party Croix - 2 or more Croix that you bring with you to a party. Does not include Roadie Croix. Bring Iced 12 pack whenever possible. Find ways to maintain Cold Croix ASAP. After saying hello to the host, this is your next objective. Immediately scan room to see if your Croix is the only Croix present, at which time begin to plan future Croix Run. Give out Croix to others and discuss the ways of Croix. (See Hydration Station).

Math always: Party Croix + Roadie Croix = Total Croix amount.

Croix Pouch - Your carrier for bringing in Party Croix to a place of business or leisure. Prime examples are a fanny pack, purse, or bookbag. Ideal: cooler or cooler bag.

Croix Run - Heading to the store to get more Croix. Be a hero and take initiative. Don’t EVER ask if we need more Croix. You know the answer.

Hydration Station - What one becomes when giving out Party Croix.

Hidden Croix- Croix you hide away from a stranger or loved one. Also can be used as emergency Party Croix to prevent Croix Run.

Croix Mouth - The dry feeling in your mouth between Croix also known as Croix Purgatory.

Warm Croix - WARNING: DO NOT ENGAGE. Find ways to Ice Croix immediately.

Hot Croix - Do not dare to utter this name. See Warm Croix.

Ice Croix - Process by which Croix remains at optimal sunny-winter morning cold. Does not refer to putting Croix in freezer EVER, or going beyond the optimal temperature. Whenever possible, ice your Croix before the party. Ideal Ice Croix temp: 6 hours in the fridge.

Example in a sentence: “Yo your Croix Iced?”

Cold Croix - When Ice Croix has reached optimal temperature, you are now in possession of the greatest joy of those that Croix, a Cold Croix. Enjoy. It will love you back.

Example in sentence: “Yo, who wants Cold Croix.” (Note: this is not a question.)

Now that we are operating on the same verbiage, I present to you:

The #CroixCommandments

  • Never turn down a Croix - you may need, it or someone else may need it, now, or later. Say "yes". When the time comes, you know what to do. #nocroixturndown

  • Always bring Cold Croix to any situation that includes, but is not limited to: personal Roadie Croix, Party Croix, Office Croix, post-meal Croix. #coldcroix

  • Ice Croix whenever possible in any situation. #maintainthechill

  • When in doubt, bring Lime flavor - stick with the classic crowd pleaser. No one can say anything about bringing Lime to a party. I don’t know about you, but there’s NO situation that I EVER want to be in if people there are questioning putting a lime in water. If they do question this choice, immediately engage in Croix philosophy conversation to survey knowledge and allegiance of Croix. #bringlime

  • Thou shall finish your Croix before grabbing new, Cold Croix. Try to minimize the amount of Flat Croix left in the can that will result in painful Flat Croix Swigs. #mustfinishCroix

  • Thou shall not give someone else Coconut as their first Croix experience. This is a gamble and might backfire said person’s relationships with future Croix. #nutgamble

  • You don’t choose a flavor, a flavor chooses you. Be patient. Your flavor is coming. #chosencroix

  • Match your Croix to your outfit whenever possible in an effortlessly genuine, non-extra way #outfitcroix

  • Thou shall not condemn others for not drinking sparkling water, instead gently introduce into the #WorldofCroix

  • Everyday, #LiveLaCroix. We are forever #teambubbles.

I hope that this has served its purpose and brought you tidings of joy and happiness. May you always sparkle from within and share your inner peace and love with the world. Namaste. #Croixfam

P.S.-

Bonus ethos that needs to be clarified:

If you want Lime and there is 1 Lime left in the store, thou shall leave it. Choose another flavor because someone is coming in from a Croix Run to pick up Party Croix and needs that Lime more than you. (Hence Croix Commandment 4.)

P.P.S.-

Do not knock ANY WATER EVER, especially the OGs mineral waters from Europe. Respect your carbonated water roots and be open to any pure hydration situation. #onelove

Maria Tomaino Plantain Croixspondent

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Peter Mir is confoundingly the owner of Villain Theater