The Plantain
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Thousands of American Refugees Flee to Cuba

Thousands of American refugees have begun to flee the United States to Cuba seeking a better life and government subsidized healthcare coverage following Congress' repeal of Obamacare. “The decision was a tough one,” said 26-year-old Jonathan Miller-Smith as he put the finishing touches on a raft he fashioned from discarded tires, twine, and thousands of dollars of text books from college he never read.

Mr. Miller-Smith says he decided to expatriate because he no longer feels safe in this country and fears that the Republican controlled government is actively working toward taking away protections in place that protects him and others from descending into poverty, adding, "and I'm a white man! Imagine how bad it is to be something other." Mr. Miller-Smith says he believes the President has become a despot, and not even one of those sexy revolutionary ones like in Cuba that get their own t-shirt and cool murals.

The Plantain spoke to several former Cuban refugees about whether they too were thinking about leaving the United States to go back to Cuba, and they all responded in unison: “Nope, we’re good. This is still better,” with one particularly ornery old man getting very angry and yelling something about how Mr. Miller-Smith is sad and ignorant for being frightened about the direction of this Country since the Senate still needs to approve any healthcare repeal.

The Plantain was confused by the old man's criticism and the trust he seemed to place in the United States Senate, a body that is run by Mitch McConnell, a man who has spent his entire career advocating against providing health care to people who don't want to unnecessarily die, but decided not to push the issue for the sake of civility.

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Milo is the Editor of the Plantain. He went to college.
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