The Plantain
latest

Thousands of American Refugees Flee to Cuba

Thousands of American refugees have begun to flee the United States for political asylum in Cuba. “The decision was a tough one,” said 26-year-old Green Party member Jonathan Miller-Smith as he put the finishing touches on a raft he fashioned from discarded tires, twine, and Jill Stein for President yard signs.

Mr. Miller-Smith says his decision to expatriate is based on a number of factors, including the new President’s policies on health care and racial relations, but also his fear that President. Trump will become a despot, and not one of those cool ones that get their own t-shirt.

The decision of well-intentioned liberals to flee for Cuba has been made easier this week after the Cuban government enacted a “Pies Secos/Pies Mojados” (“Wet Foot/Dry Foot”) policy, which promises political asylum to all Americans that reach’ Cuba’s shore.

“I’m sad to be leaving my country,” said Mr. Davidson, “but I am looking forward to starting a new life in the Little Portland area of Cuba and not assimilating to the local culture or customs at all.”

The Plantain spoke to former Cuban refugees about whether they too were thinking about leaving the United States to go back to Cuba and they all responded in unison: “Nope, we’re good. This is still better.”