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A Cheek Kiss Does Not Necessarily Mean She Wants To Fuck You

Dennis Redgrave's Miami vacation was ruined when the Michigan City resident mistook a cheek-kiss from his cousin's Venezuelan fiancé as a sign of sexual interest.

The 49-year-old electrician was in town with his wife of 27-years for the weekend before setting sail on a cruise. The incident occurred Sunday night at Toro Toro, where the couple had dinner reservations with Mr. Redgrave's second-cousin Charles and his Venezuelan fiancé Loli Alvarez.

After the cousins greeted with a firm handshake, Charles, whom Mr. Redgrave had not seen or spoken to in nearly 12-years, introduced his cousin to Ms. Alvarez. Mr. Redgrave presented his hand for Ms. Alvarez to shake, to which the 28-year-old pilates instructor leaned in so the palmed hand slightly braced her hip and gently touched her cheek to Mr. Redgrave's.

"I couldn't believe what had just happened. I had just met this woman and she just kissed me! And in front of my wife!", said a flabbergasted Mr. Redgrave. "I hadn't felt so invigorated in years. It was like something had awoken inside me."

Unabashedly confident that Ms. Alvarez's innocuous greeting was an expression of deep sexual desire, the type-2 diabetic found himself unable to focus or speak. "I was afraid he was having a stroke," remarked his wife Julia.

"I immediately started replaying the kiss in my head and thinking about whether I should leave Julia for this sexually aggressive South American," explained Mr. Redgrave. "When Loli briefly touched my forearm during conversation, I knew I had to."

Mr. Redgrave went on to spend the entire dinner in deep thought about how he was going to break the news to his wife and, to a lesser degree, whether his cousin Charles would try to hit him.

"I decided to tell Julia and Charles that Loli and I were in love at the end of meal. I told them that though we didn't intend for this to happen, Loli and I have an unspoken deep connection and owed it to ourselves to see if we could make a go at it."

Shocked by Mr. Redgrave's table-side confession, Julia ran to the bathroom in tears while Charles and Ms. Alvarez sat in awkward silence waiting for the waiter to return with the check.

"It was an uncomfortable situation," admitted Charles. "We eventually took Julia back to our place, where she stayed until her sister in Sioux Falls could wire her enough money to fly her and the kids to Iowa to stay during the divorce proceedings. Dennis ended up staying at the restaurant that night obsessing over the fact that the waitress called him "my love" when she returned the check."

When asked whether she was surprised by Mr. Redgrave's reaction to her cheek-kiss, Ms. Alvarez admitted that she was not. "Charles has a lot of white mid-western people in his family that like to visit. They're all pretty uptight"