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Trump Goes Full Nixon

President Donald Trump has gone full Nixon, defiantly telling NBC News Anchor Lester Holt: "I am not a crook" when asked about reports that he has really been paid millions of dollars by Russian interests over the last decade.

This marks the end of a very bad week for the President, which began with his really firing FBI Director James Comey after Comey really refused to swear loyalty to the President and really asked the Justice Department for more money to investigate collusion between the Trump Administration and Russia, an act many are really comparing to President Nixon's "Saturday Night Massacre" in which Nixon really fired Independent Prosecutor Archibald Cox during the midst of his Watergate Investigation.

When asked for a justification for Comey's firing, the President inexplicably really did seem to suggest that he has been secretly recording his and Comey's conversations, stating: "James Comey better hope that there are no 'tapes' of our conversations before he starts leaking to the press!," which is literally the first thing they teach you not to do in President school.

"I'm sorry, President Trump," Lestor Holt interrupted. "Secret payments with an entity accused of trying to steal sensitive information to swing a Presidential election, firing government investigators investigating your conduct, and taping conversations with your political enemies...it all sounds like Watergate to me. Are you going full-Nixon?"

"Listen, this is nothing like Watergate," said the President. "First of all, my firing Comey was nothing like the Saturday Night Massacre, because I fired him on a Tuesday. Second of all, this can't be Watergate because I build walls. And I'm going to build a great wall, remember? Remember when that was my biggest controversy? When I just wanted to build a wall or grab some pussy? Don't we all miss that time."

"I remember, Mr. President, but back to the investigation into collusion between the Trump campaign and Russia," interrupted Holt, to which President Trump sort of really replied: "Maybe I'll just cancel all communication with the media if you are going to sit here and call me a crook."

"I didn't call you a crook," said Mr. Holt, to which Trump, seemingly confused, paused for a moment.

"Well good. Because I am not a crook," said the President before ending the interview to board an Air Force helicopter waiting for him outside of the White House.

[Thanks to Lynn in the comments for the picture]

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Milo is the Editor of the Plantain. He went to college.
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