In keeping with Thanksgiving tradition, President Donald J. Trump has issued a ceremonial pardon to a turkey named Butterball, as well as son-in-law Jared Kushner.
"I told him, 'Jared, I'll pardon you, but if I'm going to do it you need to dress up in a little turkey outfit," said the President to reporters. "I'm allowed to pardon any turkey I want on Thanksgiving, you know, so I'm not doing anything wrong. Obama pardoned a lot of turkeys too, you know, and that was fine, that was fine, so I'm just doing the same thing by pardoning turkey Jared Kushner, who didn't even need to be pardoned technically, you know, because he didn't do anything wrong and also the whole Russia nonsense is fake news, but that's alright. I pardoned Jared, and as soon as he gets the turkey suit dry cleaned I'm gonna pardon Don Jr, who also, by the way, did nothing wrong."