City of Miami officials met with representatives of development firm Swire Properties over how to respond to a crucial design oversight that left Brickell City Centre’s newly-minted marquis with a fundamental spelling error: “Brickell” was misspelled “Brickel.”
The $1.05 billion mega-project, which has been under construction for the better part of the century, promises to eventually provide vista view condos and high-end shops to Latin American and Chinese investors hiding money through gaudy real estate purchases. Yet, after laying millions of square footage in concrete, over 40 stories in three buildings, working 24-hours six days per week, and causing constant traffic, planners for the site did not catch that the iconic art deco signage for the mall misspelled the name of its host neighborhood.
After hours examining blueprints, schematics, and proposed redesigns, all of which would demand further street closures and increase traffic ten-fold, City Manager Daniel Alfonso allegedly closed the meeting by shrugging, claiming: “Fuck it. Let’s just rename the neighborhood.”
The City will issue an official decree on Monday that from here on out the financial and residential hub will formally be known as “Brickel”.
A public relations agent for Swire explained to The Plantain that the process to redesign the façade would require breaking down, aligning, and re-installing the three-story high letters while manufacturing an additional “L”. This would be cost prohibitive and may set the project back another three years. Considering the burdens of these impacts, Swire convinced the City it would be cheaper and more convenient for locals to just adapt and rename the neighborhood.
Street signs, transit stops, and maps will all need to be replaced. Additionally, every resident’s driver’s license and home address will need to be updated within the next 2 weeks.
“This seems like the easiest solution,” claimed a managing representative for Brickel City Centre. “Besides, if we start reworking our sign, someone might complain we spelled “Center” wrong, too.”