State House candidate Deede Weithorn unveiled what she touted as a “universal education plan” to a small group of loitering teenagers outside a North Beach 7-11 on Sunday evening.”I want every student growing up in Florida to be able to say that that they went to any college they want. No matter who they are, where they came from, or whether they actually attended that college,” said Ms. Weithorn to the group of teenage boys waiting for her to finish up so they could ask her to buy them some beer.
“Hey lady, do you think someone like me could go to like FIU or even MIT or something?” asked 16 year old Damien De La Cruz. “Sure! Why not? If I could say that I went to MIT, why can’t you?” said Ms. Weithorn.
“Hey Miss, it seems like you’re sort of playing with semantics here. Did you actually go to MIT or do you just say you went there?
” asked Mr. De La Cruz.
“Oh, you sweet little thing,” laughed Ms. Weithorn, before whispering to the kid that she’ll buy him and his friends some beer if he shuts up and quits being such a fucking smart ass. Ms. Weithorn is reeling this week after reports that MIT, which she claimed to me an alumna of for over 30 years, has no record of her ever attending. “It probably just a clerical error by MIT,” Ms. Weithorn told the Plantain. “It’s not like MIT is very good at keeping track of numbers or records.”
Ms. Weithorn is running for a seat in the Florida House of Representatives against Kubs Lalchandani, a political newcomer who has taken to wearing his Cornell Law Degree around his neck like he is Flava-Flav.
The Plantain asked Mr. Lalchandani whether he thought he could better represent the district than his opponent, to which he quipped “oh yes, several degrees better, in fact…YEAH BOOOIIIIIIII.”