Recently divorced Miami-Dade College professor Yamileth Arojo was disturbed by the grammar, spelling, and syntax of the local, online-dating community and decided to do something about it. Last fall, Ms. Arojo rebranded her remedial English course as Grammar for Tinder, which promises to improve students’ online dating success by teaching them how to draft solicitations for romance that are both inviting and grammatically correct.
“A number of studies have shown that poor grammar has a negative impact on one’s ability to find a mate online. Having spent several months on Tinder, OKCupid, Plenty of Fish, and other dating sites myself, I saw first-hand that local online daters were in desperate need of grammatical instruction,” said the 33-year-old teacher, who started online dating after her husband of 12-years decided that he “just needed to find himself.”
Daniel Jacobsen, a shy 22-year-old with an insatiable foot fetish, learned about Ms. Arojo’s class after he sent her the following unschooled proposition on Tinder:
hi Sexy ladie. do u wnt to meat for fucking. pls ware sandles darling?”
Rather than ignoring her illiterate suitor, Ms. Arojo responded to Daniel’s message with an invitation of her own: to meet her at Miami-Dade’s Kendall campus for a remedial grammar lesson.
“I didn’t really want a grammar lesson,” confessed Mr. Jacobsen, a chubby GameStop Employee, “but no one ever responded to me on Tinder before, and she had really nice feet in one of her pictures, so I figured I would go to her class and, who knows, maybe I’d learn a thing or two or just stare at her feet.”
As she started class, Ms. Aroyo warned her students that “common grammar mistakes like confusing ‘too,’ ‘two,’ and ‘to,’ as well as ‘your’ with ‘you’re’ will ruin their chances of getting laid.” Behind the teacher, a projector featured the following message that she had received from another student, 26-year-old mechanic Arturo Reyes:
I want too eat yr pussy
Pointing to the projection, Ms. Arojo explained to her students that if Mr. Reyes ever wanted to become a cunning linguist, he would need to stop unnecessarily abbreviating short words, learn that the “too” in this sentence should be spelled “to,” and add punctuation, like a period or an exclamation mark, at the end of the sentence.
“We start with the basics,” explained Ms. Arojo, who has been hooking up with Mr. Reyes since the night he sent his untaught proposition. “But, this course is so much more than just teaching students basic sentence structure and elementary-level grammar. I also want to teach these men how to be romantic in their approach. So, while my students’ ultimate goal may be to perform a sexual act with the anonymous person to whom they are speaking, by the end of my class, they should know that they don’t have to, and should not, lead with that right off the bat.”
As a general rule, Ms. Arojo recommends that explicit sexual demands come no sooner than the third reciprocated message.
When asked to comment on why, despite his inarticulate message and flabby abdomen, Ms. Arojo still chose to take Mr. Reyes up on his indecent proposal, the teacher told this reporter to “not judge her” because she was “having a really rough day” when she saw Mr. Reyes’ message and that there are “exceptions to every rule.”