A group of geese is called a gaggle, a group of crows is called a murder, and a group of birds is called both a flock and a flight. But what about groups of technology?
Dr. Samuel Palmer, a linguistic professor at the University of Miami published a paper in the school's JOURNAL OF COOL NEW WORDS AND JUNK titled "Artificial Identification: Collective Nouns and Their Applicability To Mass Technologies," in which he argues that the ubiquity of technology features such as artificial intelligence, smart contracts, communication tools, blockchange, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera, requires the English language to reevaluate how we describe technology.
"Like it or not, technology has become a more and more prominent feature of day to day life. We don't use technology anymore, we interact with it. Our language must adapt to recognize that a group of things can be more than just a collection of things...it can be a community."
The Plantain pressed Dr. Palmer on his rationale, eventually forcing him to concede that he wants our future robotic overlords to recognize his contributions to robotic equality.
So what are some of Dr. Samuel Palmer's proposed technological classification?
- A garbage of iPods
- A distraction of smartphones
- A douche of Birds (scooter)
- A harem of Alexas
- A mirage of Bitcoin
- A Linken Park Fan of vape pens
- A Frazzle of Teslas
- A disappointment of Blurays
- A Murphy Brown of televisions
- A library of Macbooks
- A tangle of chargers
- A blubber of Fitbits
- An overcompensation of gaming PCs
- A nursery of YouTubers
When asked how he decided on what to call the technological groupings, Dr. Palmer admitted that, like the terms for all collective nouns, the names were just what sounded funniest. "Those people who ride the Bird scooters are douches though."