Navarro Pharmacist Dr. Andrea Estrada reported higher than usual prescription requests of Viagra following news that Prince, the legendary alien behind literally millions of consummations, has died. “I’ve never seen anything like it,” said Dr. Estrada, “it’s as if the entire world instantly knew that they would not be able to perform sexually without help.” Similar losses of sexual desire have been reported throughout the Country.
In a joint-statement released by the Center for Disease Control and the Minnesota State Attorney’s Office, officials revealed that Prince died from exhaustion after being forced to single-handedly sustain the world’s sexual energy following David Bowie’s untimely death in January. “It was just too much for him to handle”, the statement read.
The CDC warns of a sudden and precipitous drop in the world’s population due to the sexual inadequacy initiated by Prince’s death. “This, I’m afraid, is end times”, said CDC director Mitchell Davidson tearfully.
Pfizer, the pharmaceutical company that manufactures Viagra, announced that it would immediately start ramping up production of its medication to address the increase demand. They plan to offer a raspberry flavored “Prince Edition” of the popular erectile dysfunction drug in his majesty’s honor.